Morning Mashup: Line Names for the Leafs

by Michael Stephens on October 5, 2011 in Leafs News - 1,039 Comments

Anyone remember the Leafs‘ Skyline? Nieuwendyk between Ponikarovsky and Antropov? See, it was funny because all three are tall guys, and cities have buildings so tall as to shape the sky.  Okay, maybe not, but the nicknames given to forward trios are more than just humorous monikers.  They serve as touchstones in the NHL’s long history.

The Production Line; The Hound Line; The Legion of Doom.  As hockey fans, you know the team, the era, and the players.  Storied seasons, tenacious play, total on ice dominance are implied just by hearing the name.

So when my friend demanded I try my hand at naming the Leafs lines, I jumped at the chance.  First off, line names are a boon to any lazy writer desperate to truncate their sentences and minimize their word count for the Morning Mashup.  Secondly, contrary to what Shakespeare would tell you, names matter (yes, I burned Shakespeare two weeks in a row.  Deal with it).  After the jump, I’ll look at best and worst names to know this coming season.

Line 1: MacArthur – Grabovski – Kulemin

Best case: Mac and the USSR. Lets not tamper with perfection. Glasnost ftw!

Worst case: MacCarthyism and the USSR OR Mac and the Formerly Federated Soviet States.

Worst case heading into July 1, 2012: The Money Line. With apologies to a certain MLHS blogger.

Line 2: Lupul – Connolly – Kessel

Best case: The Good LuCK Line. Heck, even a little can go a long way.

Worst case: 14.4 million on Long Term Injured Reserve. Don’t wanna think about it.

I’m at my worst case: Two and Half Men. Think about it.

Line 3: Frattin – Bozak – Armstrong

Best case: The FAB line.  They’ll do WONDERS in all three zones! (yet still less offensive than the earlier iteration of the line with Kadri; so called “the little mosque and the prairie boys line” by some in the msm)

Worst case: The FAB line…featuring new front man Darryl Boyce.

But actually the worst case: The CRABB line.  Sub either winger for Joey F.

Line 4: Rosehill – Steckel – Orr (More of a potential line combo, admittedly)

Best case: The Bay Street Bullies

Worst case: Sees more than 6 minutes per game…line

Realistically: 20 odd feet of men in the press box

I hope this brought you folks at least one laugh as we painfully endure the 30 some hours remaining before the Leafs hit the ice Thursday for their first game of the season.  I’d love to hear your own suggestions for the lines.

And as always, onto the links. Thanks for reading.

More about Franson’s sitting from the Globe’s James Mirtle.

Article/Video from CP24’s interview with Brian Burke.

OOO AGH! The Leafs hit basic next week.  Kessel should drop and give me 50 goals.

Steve Simmons on why Wilson is on the hot seat.  New season, same reasons.

The Reporters with their Cup picks on a quiet  hockey night before Thursday’s start of the season

More on yesterday’s trade for David Steckel.

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