Festivus Airing of Grievances
In honour of Festivus, it is time to lay some overly harsh criticism on the beloved Maple Leafs with the Airing of Grievances. “I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!”
Kessel – 20 goals?! Not good enough! We didn’t trade our 2 first-rounders and a second away for someone who’sÂ tied for the NHL-lead in goals!
Bozak – Leave Kate Upton alone, she’s mine!
Liles – Keep your head up, you old bag!
Grabovski – What’s wrong with you? I can’t believe you named your kid Jaegar in honour of Mick Jagger. AC/DC was way better at SARS fest!
Kulemin – You haven’t scored a goal (that wasn’t a penalty shot) in 27 games. Figure it out!
Schenn – 56 blocked shots?! It would be over 60 if you’d quit deflecting them into your own net!
Gardiner – No more sitting out games to watch Justin Bieber MuchMusic specials!
Franson – You better not be a Santa Clause parade kind-of-guy too!
Komisarek – Stay injured!
Lombardi – We can only handle one Colby Armstrong on this team!
Kadri – You’re gonna need more than one game-winning goal to stick around on this team!
Steckel – 6 goals, 0 assists?! Pass the puck once in a while, would you?!
Brown – It’s not Movember all year round!
Dupuis – I’m still not sure who you are!
Orr – What’s with the goal celebration?! Are you trying to be Tim Tebow?!
Gustavsson – You’ve got bad numbers, but a good win-loss record. Are you trying to be Tim Tebow?!
Reimer – Festivus is about celebrating the holiday season without religion! Are you trying to be Tim Tebow?!
Ron Wilson – Festivus is also supposed to be a time of honesty! So, quit lying!
Feel free to air any grievances you may have with any of the guys above or that I’ve missed.
Now that the Airing of Grievances is complete, Festivus is not over until Kevin Lowe pins Brian Burke in the Feats of Strength.
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