The Plight Before Christmas

The Plight Before Christmas

Did you know that Monday, December 23rd was the 190th anniversary of that famous Christmas poem? Neither did we. But if that isn’t a good enough reason to create a parody version celebrating some sort of joyful holiday message that we can take away from the Leafs‘ horrible play of late, I don’t know what is.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM MLHS!

The Plight Before Christmas

T’was the plight before Christmas, when all through the team,
Not a player was scoring – nary a Phil, David, nor #Kadream.
The goalies were hung by their nets, out to dry,
In hopes this “defensive system” wasn’t just some huge lie.

The enforcers were nestled all snug in their spots,
Impressing the coach, taking part in the foughts.
Rumours abound – Eakins gone, Gardiner and Poulin as well?
The province of Alberta only rebuilds with Leaf personnel.

Randy, Dave, bloggers – all the same chatter:
Not a real clue what’s actually the matter.
Secondary scoring non-existent, Clarkson’s thus far a bust,
Plus the loss of Dave Bolland, who was, I guess, some kind of Horcrux.

Pure hell for the fans, in a city decreed hockey heaven,
Actually a pretty sweet deal for the producers of 24/7.
When what, to our wondering eyes should appear
But Paul Ranger in the press box, with Mark Fraser seated near.

With Rielly and Gardiner, so lively and quick,
The power play lived – might the youth really stick?
And Randy Carlyle: that often nice, pleasant fella
The cameras caught channelling his inner Tortorella.

“Now [censored] embarrassed! Now [censored] outworked!
Now [censored] out-executed, [censored] out-passioned!
Out every-[censored]-thing, unacceptable in our own building!”

That speech, I tell you, was more than just terse,
It was a perfect fit for an otherwise tough-to-mock verse.
Now Dave sought a 1A, to play with Phaneuf
A pain this poet sympathizes with, having also tried to pair something with Phaneuf.

And then, so it seemed, each game was a coin toss,
The stinging pain building with each crushing loss.
Try as they might to turn it around,
This Motley Leaf crew plummeted in the standings with a bound.

Jim Reimer, once proud in goalie gear head to foot,
Was now sodden and tarnished, with ashes and soot.
Not literally, of course, hockey’s fairly aesthetically clean game,
But his spirit, most definitely, had started to wane.

His eyes – how they had twinkled! His dimples, previously so merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
That smile and temperament, not one for issuing reproach,
But now, just icy glares—reserved for the coach.

He was grumpy and tired, not his usual self of old
In a postgame scrum so candid, you’d forget he struggles with rebound control.
“I can only make so many saves, we must help ourselves,” he basically said,
And I thought: when that man’s pissed, we all have something to dread.

But it’s true, I suppose, with proven talent and many games to play
That with a playoff race on the horizon, hope must be the way.
It can be disappointing, sure – just ask every Stark who’s now bones,
(Weird reference, I know. Started watching Game of Thrones).

Hope wins in the end: on some Manhattan avenue,
Gary Bettman sits all snug, counting vast record revenues.
I bet if you asked, he’d happily point out:
“Could be worse, Toronto: Buffalo, or still locked out!”

 

271 comments
Doorman
Doorman

Now thats Better;  Coffee and Bailey,s!!!  Fuck Breakfast:  i will get into the cold turkey and stuffing!!!  lol

4evrblue
4evrblue

SHUT THE FUCK UP DUTHIE!!!

vinoa
vinoa

So...Sweden's the team to beat this year?

Zep2
Zep2

Re: Canada isn't producing good goaltenders anymore


7of the top 10 in GAA are Canadian


5 of the to 10 in SP are Canadian.


The numbers belie the argument

Doorman
Doorman

Im trying to get the courage to make my Boxing Day breakfast!  Maybe a coffee and bailey's will Help!!!  lol

4evrblue
4evrblue

This juniors game is pretty boring. I didn't realize it started so early so slept through almost 2 periods of it lol

Doorman
Doorman

Just Lurking!!!  Too Fucking Early for anything Else!!!  Lol

deedrag
deedrag

Goaltending in most of Canada is a lost art. If parents don't make the extra effort kids don't get enough training. My kid doesn't even have a single coach on his team that can coach him to be a goalie. Same with other teams, they got one coach that's played goalie but he has to devote most time, to the top select team. They offer 1 goalie class every 2 weeks. I'm thankful to him for his time otherwise the kids wouldn't get any coaching at all. It's sad that the kids that make the select teams, are there because their parents can afford the $400+ a session to get their kids some goalie training. That's $400 for 4 to 6 hrs shared with 4 to 6 other kids. To top it all off they won't allow goalies at shinny in Toronto so there goes any extra practice the kids could've had. They'll allow kids to play shinny with just skates and a Helmet but a kid fully decked in goalie gear is deemed too dangerous for them to play. The players can't even raise shots or slap shoot but oh no, the goalies might get hurt. How crazy is that. Also playing as a goalie is the most stressful of positions. From kids feeling all the pressure of a bad goal, not having proper training, to not having good gear because goalie equipment costs are super high. I hope this standard, that they have set in Canada, changes soon because it doesn't look good for the future of Canadian goalies.

BBirde
BBirde

It's scary to know the talent that got left back here because the teams didn't release them. Monahan, Reilly, MacKinnon. Canada could've been destructive had they all been here.

wendelsway1
wendelsway1

Good Morning Gents...GO CANADA GO!!  

tucker2corson
tucker2corson

anyone know is andreas johnson made sweden or if fabrice herzog made team swiss? cant find the info

tucker2corson
tucker2corson

i know this has been said a trillon times on here but merry xmas to everyone on here.. we are all in this together.. thick and thin..  we have an easy stretch comin up and i feel some wins.. cheers boys!

DeclanK
DeclanK moderator

@Doorman A man after me own heart. Baileys, Coffee to start the day well before any food has entered my system.

newkb
newkb

@Doorman Amen!  Had 2 coffee and Bailey's, now heading to the store to pick up fresh buns for turkey sandwiches.  Wife uses sausage meat in the stuffing - it is a meal all on it's own.

TheJFish
TheJFish

@-Keon- Really well in my opinion, solid defensively, great forecheck and a little energy offence. Also picked up an assist.

4evrblue
4evrblue

shit sorry..... he actually likes our team this time....... force of habit guys again, sorry

Cameron19
Cameron19

@Loric76 There were a few here actively campaigning for Mantha, too. 

wendelsfist
wendelsfist

@Loric76 This is a stupid tweet.  What Kessel, Phaneuf, Lupul, kadri and JVR are not skilled?   What a jab at leaf fans intelligence.  Fine we might say Orr, Bolland, Clarkson, Mclemment are role players but that is not the core of the team.  

4evrblue
4evrblue

@Loric76 makes it sound like a bad thing. sutter is now 13-0 with the juniors. Obviously having role players works in some capacity

Doorman
Doorman

@Loric76 It sounds like Mr. Blue Chip is not too optimistic about our chances!!!  Lol

vinoa
vinoa

@Zep2 Those guys would be the products of an older system. 5 years from now the list will be mostly Euros and Americans.

4evrblue
4evrblue

@Loric76 I never changed my leaf. Mainly because I'm not entirely sure I could switch it back as I never actually applied it in the first place. Not sure how I ended up with it lol

Dangle_My_Berries
Dangle_My_Berries

@tucker2corson hope the christmas break is good for the boys and they can get on their horse and put some wins together, got a new JVR jersey to test out...im feeling its a lucky one 

whalz
whalz

Apparently he is a one dimensional player who's defensive game is bad. But shit, he's tearing it up this year in juniour

Cameron19
Cameron19

@wendelsfist @Loric76 As if Chicago doesn't have those players, also.  What are Bollig, Bickell, Shaw and Brookbank if not role players? 

Burtonboy
Burtonboy

@Doorman @Loric76 Some people just love being negative about everything. Hard way to go through life if you ask me 

wendelsfist
wendelsfist

@Loric76 @Yaknowwhat The euro goalies also get a dedicated coach from a young age, while in canada the goaltending coach is the team or shared coach.  And Canada is a bit behind the times teaching positional goaltending (roy style) instead of the emerging athletic goaltending (quick).  

BBirde
BBirde

@Jmessih I won't blame Rielly for not wanting to go since he already has gone once and it would coincide with the Winter Classic.

theacs1966
theacs1966

@Dangle_My_Berries @theacs1966 @tucker2corson @PepTalk Born in Estonia, grew up in a Swedish speaking part of Finland, plays in Russia, plays international for Finland.  He went back because he plays on the first line and takes home 4 million plus, tax free, best he could get here was 3rd line, 1.5 million.  Plus, Dynamo Moscow is in the middle of a dynasty.

theacs1966
theacs1966

@Dangle_My_Berries @theacs1966 @tucker2corson @PepTalk I Looked it up once.  I think they were going for 1300 Rubles, I don't remember how much that was worth.  You have to get them through the KHL website I think because there in no North American wholesaler.  You could also get Komorov's Finnish jersey.  I think he's on the team.  He was last time.

theacs1966
theacs1966

@Dangle_My_Berries @theacs1966 @tucker2corson @PepTalk I wanted a jersey with 55 on the back.  It's been a few years now but I was a big Danil Markov fan.  By the time I got it, I decided to go with no number.  Dodged a bullet there because that ended up being Jayson Blake's number.  I did not like him.

theacs1966
theacs1966

@tucker2corson @PepTalk @Dangle_My_Berries The one to get is the one who is your fav player, whomever that is.  Don't matter how long he's with the team, they all leave eventually.  Screw what anyone says about YOU'RE, Leafs jersey.