The Plight Before Christmas

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via @YakovMironov

Did you know that Monday, December 23rd was the 190th anniversary of that famous Christmas poem? Neither did we. But if that isn’t a good enough reason to create a parody version celebrating some sort of joyful holiday message that we can take away from the Leafs‘ horrible play of late, I don’t know what is.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM MLHS!

The Plight Before Christmas

T’was the plight before Christmas, when all through the team,
Not a player was scoring – nary a Phil, David, nor #Kadream.
The goalies were hung by their nets, out to dry,
In hopes this “defensive system” wasn’t just some huge lie.

The enforcers were nestled all snug in their spots,
Impressing the coach, taking part in the foughts.
Rumours abound – Eakins gone, Gardiner and Poulin as well?
The province of Alberta only rebuilds with Leaf personnel.

Randy, Dave, bloggers – all the same chatter:
Not a real clue what’s actually the matter.
Secondary scoring non-existent, Clarkson’s thus far a bust,
Plus the loss of Dave Bolland, who was, I guess, some kind of Horcrux.

Pure hell for the fans, in a city decreed hockey heaven,
Actually a pretty sweet deal for the producers of 24/7.
When what, to our wondering eyes should appear
But Paul Ranger in the press box, with Mark Fraser seated near.

With Rielly and Gardiner, so lively and quick,
The power play lived – might the youth really stick?
And Randy Carlyle: that often nice, pleasant fella
The cameras caught channelling his inner Tortorella.

“Now [censored] embarrassed! Now [censored] outworked!
Now [censored] out-executed, [censored] out-passioned!
Out every-[censored]-thing, unacceptable in our own building!”

That speech, I tell you, was more than just terse,
It was a perfect fit for an otherwise tough-to-mock verse.
Now Dave sought a 1A, to play with Phaneuf
A pain this poet sympathizes with, having also tried to pair something with Phaneuf.

And then, so it seemed, each game was a coin toss,
The stinging pain building with each crushing loss.
Try as they might to turn it around,
This Motley Leaf crew plummeted in the standings with a bound.

Jim Reimer, once proud in goalie gear head to foot,
Was now sodden and tarnished, with ashes and soot.
Not literally, of course, hockey’s fairly aesthetically clean game,
But his spirit, most definitely, had started to wane.

His eyes – how they had twinkled! His dimples, previously so merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
That smile and temperament, not one for issuing reproach,
But now, just icy glares—reserved for the coach.

He was grumpy and tired, not his usual self of old
In a postgame scrum so candid, you’d forget he struggles with rebound control.
“I can only make so many saves, we must help ourselves,” he basically said,
And I thought: when that man’s pissed, we all have something to dread.

But it’s true, I suppose, with proven talent and many games to play
That with a playoff race on the horizon, hope must be the way.
It can be disappointing, sure – just ask every Stark who’s now bones,
(Weird reference, I know. Started watching Game of Thrones).

Hope wins in the end: on some Manhattan avenue,
Gary Bettman sits all snug, counting vast record revenues.
I bet if you asked, he’d happily point out:
“Could be worse, Toronto: Buffalo, or still locked out!”

 

  • Alec Brownscombe

    Merry Christmas, MLHS!

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    Wake n’ vape!!!
    http://imgur.com/XxNH63A

  • Dreamsof67

    If we didn’t have a sense of humour we wouldn’t have survived all these years.
    Thanks for a good laugh and Merry Xmas to all

  • http://i.imgur.com/MyKj5C3.gif ingy56

    Off to start the festivities…Thanks for all the insight, opinions and humour everyone. Have a Merry Christmas and for those without power stay warm and safe.

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    So…looks like I’m cooking Christmas dinner tomorrow.  Screw the turkey….I’m goin’ prime rib, scalloped potatoes, beets, broccoli, and gravy.

  • Xxxxxnew

    I was hoping for a little snow. Not gonna happen.

  • mcloki

    Alec Brownscombe Merry Christmas Alec. I hope you have a family fun filled Christmas surrounded by loved ones.

  • Dangle_My_Berries

    Merry Christmas MLHS!

  • mcloki

    Merry Christmas MLHS.

  • wiski

    Alec Brownscombe Same to you Alec, I’m workin so I’ll be hangin out. 😉

  • djamon

    Xxxxxnew You’re in Vic? Me too. It’s beautiful right now.

  • wiski

    Looks great but how do you get it out of the package then? http://t.co/1sVueGs7dq

  • MLHS_Luke

    Bon Scott was a Leaf fan  Weird – that’s what my family is doing this year.  Did we just start a trend?

    http://cdn.weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/stepbrothers-yep-gif.gif

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    wiski
    Haha!!  When I see the word Piranna, I think of the 70’s horror movie (classic flick, actually).

  • JR from Halifax

    Hey folks

    Just feeding my young fella and then off to our huge family gathering. My mother is the first of 18 kids and every damn one of them a leaf’s fan…..will be about 80 of us there tonight including grand kids, great grand kids, spouses etc.

    Just wanted to say thanks to all of you posters who give a semi lurker like myself reason to spend  hours on here every day. Your humor and insight is a real treat to enjoy.

    Alec and team, thanks again for putting together such an incredible site that I’ve enjoyed so much since its inception. Really should be proud of what you’ve accomplished.

    And, I am not always politically correct and not afraid to say MERRY CHRISTMAS…..you bunch of bastards!

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    CNN just ran a 4 minute clip on Rob Ford’s handling of the ice storm.

  • Komas Taberle

    Merry Christmas to all at MLHS.
    I hope Santa brings you and yours everything you desire.

  • wiski

    Komas Taberle Just ordered Pizza and wings for the boys at work, simple pleasures. 😉

  • Mitch_S2

    Anyone got a link to episode 2 ?

  • lukethenuke

    Mitch_S2 youtube itttt

  • Mitch_S2

    lukethenukeMitch_S2Can only find episode 1 what did you search?

  • rustynail

    MERRY CHRISTMAS MLHS!!!!

  • 93Matty

    Mitch_S2 lukethenuke Its up on Piratebay, nice clean torrent.

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    93MattyMitch_S2lukethenuke
    I still haven’t watched episode 1 yet.  Been saving it for tomorrow.
    Torrents rule!

  • wiski

    Merry Christmas everyone and remember if you don’r sin then Jesus died for nothing. 😉

  • lister

    XxxxxnewDefinitely trade you. Stupid ice and now frigid temperatures.

  • Cloud09

    Merry Christmas MLHS. The team sucks but this place doesn’t. And thank you Alec and Declan for giving me a place to vent my frustrations of this team for the past 4 years.

  • theacs1966

    wiski Why Do they make the packaging so hard to get into?  And, how are you supposed to open that one?

  • Burtonboy

    Merry Christmas to everyone . Hope you all have a wonderful day. I’ll just have to delay our Xmas for a few days but I’m sure we will appreciate it even more when we do celebrate

  • Cloud09

    Burtonboy No power?

  • theacs1966

    Xxxxxnew Ya, you’re breaking my heart.  You poor poor bastards.  Having to live without taking your life in your hands every time you step out the door.  Ever walk on wet ice?  How do you get by without scraping  half an inch of ice off your car windows?  You’re really suffering out there.  Bastards!

  • Burtonboy

    Cloud09 Burtonboy Nope

  • wiski

    Burtonboy Cloud09 Hope your sister made it safe.

  • Cloud09

    Burtonboy Cloud09 brain fart… no you have power or no you don’t have power??

  • Burtonboy

    wiski Burtonboy Cloud09 She didn’t come Wiski . Weather was just to bad up around the Baie Comeau area to chance it.

  • Burtonboy

    Cloud09 Burtonboy I have no power lol

  • Cloud09

    TheCanucksnaphook wiski Burtonboy Cloud09 Was driving through rural Burlington yesterday morning, looked pretty rough.

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    BurtonboyCloud09
    Wood burning stove or fireplace, BB??

  • theacs1966

    Burtonboy wiski Cloud09 Isn’t that where Mulroooony is from?

  • wiski

    Burtonboy wiski Cloud09 The wife is all worried about travelling next weekend, best to stay home if it’s that bad.

  • Cloud09

    Burtonboy Cloud09 Lol, ok. Well that sucks Charlie, hopefully you got a warm place to stay, and the power comes back in good time. Merry Christmas BB!

  • Burtonboy

    Bon Scott was a Leaf fan Burtonboy Cloud09 I have a fireplace but because I have my Dad living with me I decided to get a hotel room till the power is back on . Much easier on him . We will celibate xmas a little late that’s all.

  • wiski

    My gift to you’all 
    ❤️ “https://twitter.com/JoshuaHolguin: Be still my “throbbing” heart https://twitter.com/KaylaCollinshttp://t.co/7Yra6actJX”

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    BurtonboyBon Scott was a Leaf fanCloud09
    As long as you have each other…Christmas can wait.  Be well, BB!!

  • wiski

    Burtonboy Bon Scott was a Leaf fan Cloud09 the Orthodox one 😉

  • Burtonboy

    30 THOUGHTS

    7. There’s a chance Dion Phaneuf’s extension with the Toronto Maple Leafs is done by New Year’s.

    http://www.cbc.ca/sports-content/hockey/opinion/2013/12/oil-change-inevitable-in-edmonton.html

  • Burtonboy

    Cloud09 Burtonboy We are just fine and you have a great Xmas as well.

  • Bon Scott was a Leaf fan

    Burtonboy
    That would be nice.  I’m fine with 7 x 7, which will be a good deal especially with the cap skyrocketing over the next few seasons. 
    Next up…Davey Bolland!!

  • rustynail

    https://twitter.com/Jgardiner272https://twitter.com/Jgardiner272/status/415586156667875328
    Funny you say that https://twitter.com/JVReemer21 Look what just showed up at the Gardiner house. Your hands!! https://twitter.com/search?q=%23bricks&src=hash http://t.co/VthbR3zBkG

  • rustynail

    https://twitter.com/JVReemer21https://twitter.com/JVReemer21/status/415582270976983040
    Just when I thought I could get away from https://twitter.com/Jgardiner272 for a few days http://t.co/i4vOhhoUTl