The Plight Before Christmas

The Plight Before Christmas

Did you know that Monday, December 23rd was the 190th anniversary of that famous Christmas poem? Neither did we. But if that isn’t a good enough reason to create a parody version celebrating some sort of joyful holiday message that we can take away from the Leafs‘ horrible play of late, I don’t know what is.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM MLHS!

The Plight Before Christmas

T’was the plight before Christmas, when all through the team,
Not a player was scoring – nary a Phil, David, nor #Kadream.
The goalies were hung by their nets, out to dry,
In hopes this “defensive system” wasn’t just some huge lie.

The enforcers were nestled all snug in their spots,
Impressing the coach, taking part in the foughts.
Rumours abound – Eakins gone, Gardiner and Poulin as well?
The province of Alberta only rebuilds with Leaf personnel.

Randy, Dave, bloggers – all the same chatter:
Not a real clue what’s actually the matter.
Secondary scoring non-existent, Clarkson’s thus far a bust,
Plus the loss of Dave Bolland, who was, I guess, some kind of Horcrux.

Pure hell for the fans, in a city decreed hockey heaven,
Actually a pretty sweet deal for the producers of 24/7.
When what, to our wondering eyes should appear
But Paul Ranger in the press box, with Mark Fraser seated near.

With Rielly and Gardiner, so lively and quick,
The power play lived – might the youth really stick?
And Randy Carlyle: that often nice, pleasant fella
The cameras caught channelling his inner Tortorella.

“Now [censored] embarrassed! Now [censored] outworked!
Now [censored] out-executed, [censored] out-passioned!
Out every-[censored]-thing, unacceptable in our own building!”

That speech, I tell you, was more than just terse,
It was a perfect fit for an otherwise tough-to-mock verse.
Now Dave sought a 1A, to play with Phaneuf
A pain this poet sympathizes with, having also tried to pair something with Phaneuf.

And then, so it seemed, each game was a coin toss,
The stinging pain building with each crushing loss.
Try as they might to turn it around,
This Motley Leaf crew plummeted in the standings with a bound.

Jim Reimer, once proud in goalie gear head to foot,
Was now sodden and tarnished, with ashes and soot.
Not literally, of course, hockey’s fairly aesthetically clean game,
But his spirit, most definitely, had started to wane.

His eyes – how they had twinkled! His dimples, previously so merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
That smile and temperament, not one for issuing reproach,
But now, just icy glares—reserved for the coach.

He was grumpy and tired, not his usual self of old
In a postgame scrum so candid, you’d forget he struggles with rebound control.
“I can only make so many saves, we must help ourselves,” he basically said,
And I thought: when that man’s pissed, we all have something to dread.

But it’s true, I suppose, with proven talent and many games to play
That with a playoff race on the horizon, hope must be the way.
It can be disappointing, sure – just ask every Stark who’s now bones,
(Weird reference, I know. Started watching Game of Thrones).

Hope wins in the end: on some Manhattan avenue,
Gary Bettman sits all snug, counting vast record revenues.
I bet if you asked, he’d happily point out:
“Could be worse, Toronto: Buffalo, or still locked out!”

 

323 comments
Doorman
Doorman

Now thats Better;  Coffee and Bailey,s!!!  Fuck Breakfast:  i will get into the cold turkey and stuffing!!!  lol

4evrblue
4evrblue

SHUT THE FUCK UP DUTHIE!!!

Loric76
Loric76

So how does a player like Mantha fall to 20th overall...big, can skate, scores in bunches.  Gauthier is going to be good but fucking Detroit does it again.

Loric76
Loric76

Player of the game for each team gets a coupon book

vinoa
vinoa

So...Sweden's the team to beat this year?

Zep2
Zep2

Re: Canada isn't producing good goaltenders anymore


7of the top 10 in GAA are Canadian


5 of the to 10 in SP are Canadian.


The numbers belie the argument

Doorman
Doorman

Im trying to get the courage to make my Boxing Day breakfast!  Maybe a coffee and bailey's will Help!!!  lol

Loric76
Loric76

So...German hockey lol

4evrblue
4evrblue

This juniors game is pretty boring. I didn't realize it started so early so slept through almost 2 periods of it lol

Loric76
Loric76

Christmas is over...back to facepalm homer

Doorman
Doorman

Just Lurking!!!  Too Fucking Early for anything Else!!!  Lol

DeclanK
DeclanK moderator

@Doorman A man after me own heart. Baileys, Coffee to start the day well before any food has entered my system.

newkb
newkb

@Doorman Amen!  Had 2 coffee and Bailey's, now heading to the store to pick up fresh buns for turkey sandwiches.  Wife uses sausage meat in the stuffing - it is a meal all on it's own.

TheJFish
TheJFish

@-Keon- Really well in my opinion, solid defensively, great forecheck and a little energy offence. Also picked up an assist.

4evrblue
4evrblue

shit sorry..... he actually likes our team this time....... force of habit guys again, sorry

Cameron19
Cameron19

@Loric76 There were a few here actively campaigning for Mantha, too. 

wendelsfist
wendelsfist

@Loric76 This is a stupid tweet.  What Kessel, Phaneuf, Lupul, kadri and JVR are not skilled?   What a jab at leaf fans intelligence.  Fine we might say Orr, Bolland, Clarkson, Mclemment are role players but that is not the core of the team.  

4evrblue
4evrblue

@Loric76 makes it sound like a bad thing. sutter is now 13-0 with the juniors. Obviously having role players works in some capacity

Doorman
Doorman

@Loric76 It sounds like Mr. Blue Chip is not too optimistic about our chances!!!  Lol

vinoa
vinoa

@Zep2 Those guys would be the products of an older system. 5 years from now the list will be mostly Euros and Americans.

Loric76
Loric76

@Doorman need a greasy one, will help the molson mudslide get going

4evrblue
4evrblue

@Loric76 I never changed my leaf. Mainly because I'm not entirely sure I could switch it back as I never actually applied it in the first place. Not sure how I ended up with it lol

whalz
whalz

Apparently he is a one dimensional player who's defensive game is bad. But shit, he's tearing it up this year in juniour

Cameron19
Cameron19

@wendelsfist @Loric76 As if Chicago doesn't have those players, also.  What are Bollig, Bickell, Shaw and Brookbank if not role players? 

Loric76
Loric76

@Doorman @Loric76  fickle like the majority of fans...if they had won on Monday it'd be way different

Burtonboy
Burtonboy

@Doorman @Loric76 Some people just love being negative about everything. Hard way to go through life if you ask me 

Loric76
Loric76

@Doorman @Loric76 I know what you need.  Advil, beer, and some exercise...my driveway needs some shovelling :)